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"Shakashuri Blowdown"
Season 1, episode 10
Shakashuri Blowdown
Airdate: January 13, 2008
Credits
Director: John Lee

Vernon Chatman

Marco Bertoldo

Writers John Lee

Vernon Chatman

Alyson Levy

Episodes
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"Signs From Godrilla"
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"Vibracaust"

The episode begins with Xavier walking through the desert, pondering the concept of "self," when he encounters his father in the shape of a cloud, who grabs Xavier up into the air and reveals to his son that he caused his death. Now falling, Xavier is shocked by this discovery and his body appears to split into two separate bodies as he hits the ground.

Distraught by his past actions, Xavier boards a boxcar soon to be moved by a helicopter and prepares to kill himself with a razor in order to fulfill his promise to kill his father's killer. He is stopped by a man on the boxcar who attempts to start a fight with Xavier, taking off his shirt, contacts, tattoos, and prosthetic limbs in order to intimidate him. His friend initially attempts to cool him down, but after mentioning the first man's toupee, he becomes enraged and the two men beat Xavier to the ground.

The man starts to shave Xavier's wrist to make a "wrist hair mustache" and uncovers a phone number written beneath his fur. Shocked, the man apologizes, leaving the boxcar with his friend, and Xavier decides the number is a "last minute cosmic pardon from the governor of circumstance" and calls it.

Another Xavier (presumable one of the two Xaviers that were seen to have split in the opening scene) answers the first Xavier's call. The two make a few exchange, then leave their respective phone booths to find themselves standing face to face. They then engage in an absurd and confusing argument* over which of them is the real Xavier, both seeming to claim victory and defeat simultaneously. After a few minutes of banter, they decide the affair must be settled with a "shakasuri blowdown."

They stand in the same dessert, only the lighting has changed and each is armed with a shakasuri flute. One Xavier says "ladies first" to the other, after which they remain deadlocked for 16 hours before the other Xavier finally breaks and concedes to "blow first." As they solo back and forth, they conjure up fantastical objects and creatures that do battle with each other, eventually evolving into a psychedelic phantasmagoria of fractals, objects, and symbolism created by their simultaneous, cooperative playing.

They finish the showdown and a disembodied announcer calls time and solicits the viewers to vote for a winner, who will win a TV show, and submit it anywhere they decide. The season concludes with the cloud-embodiment of Xavier's father, who stares with three eyes out of the screen at the audience and says "it was you!"

*this is a transcript of the argument between the two xaviers

X2: Hello? Hello! X1: Hello? X2: Who's this? X1: Who's /this/? X2: I'm asking the questions, I called you. X1: No, I called you, and you sound like the ugliest sonofabitch I ever heard. X2: You sound like the physical manifestation of some loser's inner demons. X1: Well, you sound like some total chode's inability to confront the reality of his past actions. X2: If I ever get your stinky mug in my line of sight, I swear to Chekhov I'll cock your clock off. X1: Well, I'm going to be the bigger man and hang up fir- X2: *hangs up first* X1: Dammit. Listen, we don't cotton to freaks around these parts. Scram, weirdo! X2: Oh yeah? I don't poly-cotton to coping tropes, even my own, so why don't you split? X1: Looks like I already did. You're the sad figment of my twisted psyche's tragic dividend. You're the un-me, I'm the real me. You wanna be me? X2: Kiddo, I was the real me when you were still in my short pants. X1: Hate to break it to you, but I wore them first. Me bequeathed thee the psycho-pathological hand-you-downs. X2: So you're the one who stained them. X1: Whoever found it browned it. X2: You'd like me to be you, wouldn't me? But it's too late, you snoze, you loze. X1: You sleept, you weept. X2: You nappah, you get slappah. X1: You slumber, a cucumber. X2: You catch up on some zeds, you get outta my heads! X1: You slumber... hamBURGER Idontwannatalkaboutnothinelse HA (ha ha ha). X2: Listen, this psyche is not big enough for two metaphysical seekers. X1: You couldn't SEEK your way out of a CARDBOARD BAG. X2: Yeah, I know, cuz it would be an EGG. X1: OOO, this guy might be better than me. X2: You're right, I am better than me. X1: Look, buddy, no when you're defeated. Accept your defecation. X2: No, thanks, I'm full cuz I eat pussies like you for breakfast. X1: Look at you, you look so superficial, you probably judge things by their physical appearance. X2: Oh yeah? Your mom is so shallow, she probably thinks this quip is about her. X1: You're about as deep as a bowl of soup, and your tongue as sharp as a soup spoon. X2: Hey, say what you want about me, but lay off the soup. X1: If you love soup so much, why don't you marry soup? X2: Because I'm already married, to justice. X1: Yeah, only a blind girl would marry you. X2: I know everything you're gonna- X1: Say. And I know everything you're gonna- X2: Don't. X1: Oh yeah? Well, when God was passing out insight you thought he said that when God was passing out holy prophets, you thought he said oily faucets cuz your soul has diarrhea...of the mouth...faucet. X2: Are you so dumb, you even answer rhetorical questions? X1: I don't know, do you? X2: We can play this game all night. X1: First of all, it's daytime. And this, is no game. X2: Check mate. X1: Oh! So you admit you were checking me out and you wanna mate. X2: OOO, you got a license to sell those hotdogs, chico man? X1: No, they wouldn't give it to me because when I was filling out the application, my penis was sticking out. X2: Oh yeah? You only got one peen-eye? Let me see it. X1: See with your eyes, not with your mouth. X2: I'll call your bluff. I'll see your penis with  your mouth and I raise you with my hand. X1: Ante up. X2: OOO, dammit! X1: What's wrong? X2: I crapped out, but I'm tough, I can suck it up. OOO X1: Okay, on count of three, we show what's under the loincloth. Wiener take all (take all take all take all). Xaviers: 1, 2, 3! X2: I guess there's only one way to settle this. Xaviers: A shakashuri blowdown! X2: I assume you're familiar with St. Louis rules? X1: Fine, we'll blow...to the death (death death death). X2: Okay, ladies first. 16 hours later X1: Hnnnngh FINE. I'll blow first.

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