They say 'tis often the tiniest among us hath the biggest needs. You hear that? Of course I do. I'm the one who asked. Easy, stranger. Your leg looks dislocated pretty bad. I'll pop it back in, but it's gonna hurt. Ready? Inhale. Hold. Hold. Hale. Always glad to help my brethren in the kingdom of life. Maybe someday you will help me.
What the human intimates you doing, freak? Bestial-ulating that skeeter?
I'm just a simple warrior for peace trying to do right by God's creatures.
You see what this weirdo here is saying?
Wait, which weirdo?
I believe that we are all one. By helping this tiny mosquito, in a way, I'm helping your mother.
He's comparing the universal oneness of all life to your mama! Take that!
Taste the pain! Take that! [Buzzing]
My eye! My visual connection to this beautiful world has been severed!
I got you, dang skeeter. Taste... taste... taste...
Frittata. Your interspecial combat was noble, wise mosquito. What's wrong? You're flying all funny. Did he clip you?
Frittata. Don't you dare die on me. [Echoing] No!
To be a hero, you have to go looking for trouble. Wherever there is suffering, I was there. Wherever there is injustice, I was there. And wherever there is crying... I'm right here. What's wrong, kid? These guys... They were Mexican, they were gang members, and they smashed my mascot costume. You need to slow it down. Relax. Inhale. Hold. Hold. Ahh. Hold. Hold. Little longer. Hold. Hale. Now, who did this to you? These guys... These Mexicans... They carved their tag on me, and I was supposed to be the new mascot of the team, and they were Mexicans, and they ruined my costume... I could be your costume. Do you think you can fit inside me? No, but you could tell people I'm inside you and go put on a show as the mascot and make everyone love me, 'Cause they think it's me, Not you. You're gonna have to go underground and hide. Hey there, ho there, ladies and gentlemen. Your crazies have a brand-new mascot who's played by Percy Handfisher, sophomore whose parents were recently killed in a thresher.
Troubled High, give a warm, troubled, hey there, ho there to your troubled cra-a-zy! [Dance music plays] Are you prepared for this moment? Are you prepared for this moment? Are you prepared for this moment? Are you prepared for this moment?
Hey there, ho there, ladies
and gentlemen, the opposing team
is so intimidated by your
troubled crazy mascot, they are
forfeiting the game thanks to
Percy, I want to be your girlfriend!
I want you, Percy!
You did good, Percy.
Sorry for beating you up before.
I can take it.
I'm tough enough to join your little gang.
Nobody has ever survived our initiation.
Come give it a try.
Here's my card.
It's got embossed-gold 12-point
courier font on bone-white
I thought we all agreed to get eggshell white. Absurdity!
I'm the leader! I say bone white!
[Thinking] Lts haunting
elegance is so restrained.
See you tonight, Percy, and wear the costume.
Chief Master Guru,
you have so many wisdoms left to teach me.
Years of you and I together.
Of course, youngling.
Uh, what's that behind you?
I don't see any...
Chief Master Guru!
I vow to ramble these worlds and
find the evil ones who did this
to avenge your death.
That gets rid of that headache.
Yes, avenge me.
I did it.
You were a hit.
Everyone loves you now.
You even have a girlfriend.
Really? Is he disabled?
But stay hidden for a while.
I want to infiltrate the gang.
I just may have some avenging
chief beef to queef.
No, I can't stay down here.
Calm it down.
Close your eyes.
I don't have your money, man.
Then I'm taking back what's mine.
Now boil his blood and get our drugs back.
Charge him a recycling fee.
[Knock on door]
Percy, I'm surprised you showed up.
Well, I'm not
surprised about how much I like to do crime.
You just passed the first test.
Now pass the second.
We just ordered a pizza, and
when it comes, you have to kill
Okay, but I want to
kill him outside, alone, in the dark.
We all have our own way of killing.
Me, I like to kill on the beach.
I like to kill to music.
It's kind of embarrassing,
but I like to kill on the toilet.
I think it's because, when I was a kid...
Kid, your mother just died.
Mocho, that's not why you
like to kill on the toilet.
That's why you don't like cereal.
You are supposed to
be dead right now, but here... 20 bucks.
Get out of town and start a new life.
Hey, thanks, mister.
Thanks for the shot.
I killed him hard.
Pulled out his heart and showed
it to him, and he was like, "nice."
Now phase two.
You have to watch us eat the
pizza with nary a slice for yourself.
Hey, he forgot our cuckoo-bread.
[Knock on door]
Uh, I know I'm dead, but I
forgot to give you your cuckoo-bread.
You got a ghost to bring us cuckoo-bread.
You have shown true loco spirit.
I think you are a prime
candidate for our annual
I thought this was my year.
Once a year, we let one
novice member sit in as gang
leader for a week.
I benefit, as I get to see the
gang from a novice perspective,
and then you benefit by
experiencing the hardships that
come with the administrative
role that I play.
Percy, I crown thee temporary
leader of the local locos.
What's on the docket for today?
Well, Wednesday night is tag Tuesday,
where we paint our tag all over town.
I propose a new loco tag...
I can think so clearly
without all the visual clutter.
Now everyone will know the
locos are crazy about
Okay, Thursday night is mailroom Monday.
We just got our new shipment.
What do you do if the
cops come knocking?
We toilet-flush the drugs.
Let's stay one step
ahead of the cops.
Flush them now.
One step ahead of the policía.
Okay, inhale, Percy.
This is the very sort of
forward thinking the
Pauper-to-Prince program was
meant to engender.
Friday night is taco Tuesday.
This week, instead of
eating tacos, let's just talk...
So, who wants to
spill it first?
What do your heart spirits have
to say to your mind-sacs?
I guess I tend to use my
switchblade as a defense
You guys are the only family
I have... maybe because you guys
killed my family.
Before tonight, I could never
express myself with words.
I always did it like this.
["La cucaracha" plays]
You're right... Rape is not an excuse.
It's a reason, and tonight,
everything seems so reasonable.
I'm big now, but I recently
dropped 230 pounds.
Yeah, I dumped your wife!
I guess I told that joke as a
way to avoid the real issue.
I love your wife.
She dumped me.
How do they expect me to stay out of jail?
That's where all my stuff is.
Here's why I never take off
my shirt when we go swimming.
So she says, "Oh, that puppy
is the cutest thing in the world."
And it's like, I'm standing
right here, mom.
I'm standing right here.
Maybe I do have more issues
than a magazine stand, but all
those magazines are puro fancy.
I never wanted to be a vato.
I just want to groom and train poodles.
I secretly groom and train poodles.
Are you guys messing with me?
Whenever you turn your back,
I secretly groom and train poodles.
Turn your back.
I'm doing it.
I'm doing it!
I can't see.
My back is turned.
Passion... This is
what gangbanging ought to be about.
hank you, Percy, for showing
us how to follow our bliss.
We're out of the drug game forever.
Shiny's coming to town,
and he wants his drug shipment.
We just flushed ourselves a
He's only the biggest drug
dealer since Truman.
He's so rich, he had every
cell in his body platinumed.
Well, you just had
every cell in your body passioned.
Tell Shiny to meet us at the docks.
Where's my drugs, Chalaza?
I'm the local loco
leader now, and we're out of the
drug game for good.
From now on, "L.L." stands for
"Supportive Community of
You give up your game, and
I'll get you a job at the jobby job center.
No deal, Shiny.
I don't get it.
Are you prepared for this moment?
I don't want Percy to be our leader anymore.
You should have picked me.
Give... me... back... my... son!
Wait... sorry... I... mean... drugs!
That'll give you time to reflect.
I accept Jesus Christ into my
heart as my personal savior!
Yes, made it!
I know what we can do with
You were so sexy out
You're my passion.
Sorry, but I'm with someone
who doesn't lie about who they
are on the inside.
Come on, Percy, lend me some sugar.
And now I ramble
forth on my endless journey to
be the greatest aid-spreader of